pastorjohnb

Thoughts and musings on faith and our mighty God!

Tag Archives: disorientation


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Finding Hope and Strength

Reading: Psalm 137

Psalm 137:5 – “Jerusalem! If I forget you, let my strong hand wither!”

Photo credit: Wylly Suhendra

Psalm 137 wrestles with holding onto faith during a time of deep grief. This is a struggle we’ve all faced or will face at some point in life. The emotions of the Psalm are real and honest, especially in verses 7-9. If grief we feel these emotions too, but usually choose not to give them voice. The psalmist and fellow Israelites find themselves in Babylonian exile, grieving alongside a river. They have put away their musical instruments, thinking, who could sing at a time like this? In grief we too can set aside certain practices or activities that we used to do with the departed loved one. It feels too painful for these things in the midst of grief. The departed loved one for Israel is God, personified in Jerusalem. While God is still present, it doesn’t feel like it for Israel. When their “tormentors” mockingly call for a song, the Israelites wonder, “How could we sing a joyful song at a time like this?!”

Yet there is something in the psalmist that knows they must maintain a connection with God. In verse 5 we read, “Jerusalem! If I forget you, let my strong hand wither!” Verse 6 offers a similar pledge. For the psalmist, hard as it might be, music is a way to remember and to honor and to be connected to God. Music brings the Israelites into the presence of God and it brings them into community. In times of grief, we often just want to be alone. It feels like that would just be easier. Frankly, it is. But healing comes most often in community, in being with others, in being reminded of God’s presence with us. Here one finds the beginnings of those seeds of hope and the strength to ponder next steps. In their grief, with the gifts of hope and strength, the Israelites began to step forward in faith. May it be so for you and for me in our times of grief.

Prayer: Lord God, sometimes life is hard and it rains down grief, feelings of disorientation, moments of withdrawal. When this happens to those we know, send us into their lives, being your light and love, your hope and strength. And when we find ourselves in this hard place, guide us into community – with you and with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Amen.


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Wait For It

Reading: Lamentations 3:19-26

Lamentations 3:22 – “Certainly the faithful love of the Lord hasn’t ended; certainly God’s compassion isn’t through!”

Photo credit: Nathan Dumlao

Moving ahead two chapters in Lamentations, the voice we now hear is that of the writer. In the opening verses of chapter 3 he or she recalls how the fall of the city and the temple has personally impacted him or her. This is summarized in verse 19 where the author recalls suffering and homelessness as “bitterness and poison.” On the theological level these events and their outcomes are incomprehensible to the people of God. What has happened feels totally beyond God’s will and character. This disorientation is forcing new understandings of God and faith as God’s plan for Israel is being worked out in real time.

There have been times in my life and likely in your life when the difficult time itself has ended. As the dust settles, so to speak, we can take a breath and look around. Hopefully, like the author, we wait. We wait to see what’s next. In Lamentations 3 the waiting begins with this thought: “Certainly the faithful love of the Lord hasn’t ended; certainly God’s compassion isn’t through!” Hope begins to rise up. The writer then remembers that God’s love and compassion are “renewed every morning” because of God’s faithfulness. Trust starts to rebuild as the author declares, “The Lord is my portion.” Hope and trust are present as the writer proclaims, “I’ll wait for him.”

In verse 25 we’re reminded that God is indeed good to those who “hope in him… who seek him.” To wait upon the Lord, to trust and hope in God’s plan for us – sometimes this is all we can do. Often it is what we should do. And this is good. The writer will wait in silence. This too is good. We can hear God better. Yes, the Lord’s deliverance is coming. May we wait for it.

Prayer: Lord God, after the immediacy of the trial or loss or suffering it can be tempting to do or say something. To do so feels like relief, like a return to life. But we’re often still scattered or we’re just groping for something we really can’t identify. In these moments, still our spirits. Calm our tendency to “do.” Guide us to wait upon you, to seek your voice and direction, to trust and hope in your great faithfulness. Amen.


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Lean In, Trust

Reading: Psalm 79:1-5

Psalm 79:5 – “How long will you rage, Lord? Forever? How long will your anger burn like fire?”

Today the psalmist asks a question we all ask: How long? In almost every difficult situation that we face and endure, we come to this question. Whether referring to the waves of grief that don’t relent or to the job search that won’t resolve itself or to the bullying that your child faces day after day or to the violence and destruction that the psalmist faces, in times of trial or pain or suffering or grief, we ask God: How long?

While we do not ever receive a specific time and date from God that tells us when relief or resolution will occur, we can have a hand in how we walk in and through these dark valleys. We can choose to shout “How long?” with a clenched fist raised against God. Or we can choose to whisper “How long?” with hands open to receive from God. The psalmist models the second option. For us, we must begin where the psalmist began, naming the situation. In this case, the writer names what it looks and feels like in the aftermath of the Babylonians destroying Jerusalem and the temple. The physical scene is horrific. To look at it and to name it begins to move one past the “Is this real?” stage. While painful, acceptance is an important step in our healing process.

The psalmist is also open and vulnerable with his emotions. From his perspective, all has been done to God’s city, to God’s temple, to God’s people. This goes against previous religious understandings and creates disorientation, forcing a new understanding of God and the world. Adding to the trauma is the ridicule coming from pagan neighbors. At times of grief or suffering or pain perhaps you or someone you know has heard, “If you just did (or didn’t)…” These words sting – as if you would have chosen this terrible outcome.

Laying it all on the table before the Lord and others we love and trust is an act of surrender, a practice in humility. Even as the psalmist asks “How long?” there is a leaning into God’s presence, a trust in God to act and move even in this place of death, loss, suffering… In our times of deep need, may we too be open and vulnerable and honest with God and with those close to us. May our hands be open to receive.

Prayer: Lord God, these initial steps can be so hard. We’d rather close our eyes and withdraw. When this is our first step, Lord, help us to feel your hand reaching out, to sense your Spirit surrounding us. Walk with us in love and grace. Amen.


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Tears of Grief

Reading: Jeremiah 8:18-9:2

Jeremiah 8:21 – “Because my people are crushed, I am crushed; darkness and despair overwhelm me.”

Photo credit: Rainier Ridao

In today’s passage from Jeremiah it is difficult to determine if God is speaking or if it is Jeremiah speaking. Our verses today seem to be a mix of the two, with both God and prophet expressing their grief over Judah’s fate. For many years, God’s people have been unfaithful to their God. Their choice to abandon God has led to God’s choice to abandon them to their sin. At times we too can choose to separate ourselves from God. We too grieve God’s heart this deeply.

God seems to be the speaker in verses 19-21. The people are asking a question and implying another that are common in times of loss and pain and grief. Directly they are asking where the Lord is: “Isn’t the Lord in Zion?” This is a question often asked in grief. The second question is implied: Why, why is this happening to us? This is a question that we can ask when lost in our sin as well. When our sin that consumed us leads to a place of pain and suffering, we can forget that our choices brought us to this place. In the disorientation of grief, we do ask “Why?”

For God’s people , the answer is given: idol worship has led to this place. As the prophet that worked to turn Judah back to God, Jeremiah grieves too. In verse 21 we read, “Because my people are crushed, I am crushed; darkness and despair overwhelm me.” The tentacles of grief surround the prophet. He laments alongside the people who are far from God. This is a place we will also find ourselves. Walking alongside others in grief, feeling and taking on some of their pain and sorrow. Our tears join their tears as we offer love and comfort in the midst of their hurt and despair. Doing so, we bring God’s presence into the darkness and despair.

Prayer: Lord God, times of grief and suffering are sure to come – to ourselves, to those we love, to our neighbors. In these times, may we sense your presence and may we lean into your love and strength, whether for ourselves or as we walk with others. Be with us in our tears, O God. Amen.


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Trust and Belief

Reading: Job 2:7-10

Job 2:7 – “The Adversary… struck Job with sores from the sole of his foot to the top of his head.”

We enter Job’s story at the point of his second “test.” In chapter 1 Job loses all his livestock and all of his sons and daughters. Job says, “The Lord has given; the Lord has taken; bless the Lord’s name.” Job is known as the wisest and most faithful man in all the world. The Adversary’s argument is this is because God has blessed Job. Yet when all of this was lost, Job remained faithful to God.

Test two comes next: “The Adversary… struck Job with sores from the sole of his foot to the top of his head.” Afflict Job himself, the logic goes, then he will curse God. Covered top to bottom in oozing sores, Job sits on an ash pile and scrapes his sores. Job’s wife sees his condition and says, “Are you still clinging to your integrity? Curse God, and die.” (Some translations read, “Bless God, and die.”) She believes Job is being assaulted by God. Her life has also completely fallen apart. Likely because Job has sinned – which he hasn’t. She thinks God is against Job. She’s saying, ‘Enough already!’

Job tells her she is being foolish. He is right with God and he knows it. He asks her, “Will we receive good from God but not also receive bad?” Put another way: ‘If God does reward and punish, we must accept it all, must we not?’ Job’s trust in God is sure. His suffering is unjust and undeserved. Yet God is God: all-powerful and all-knowing. Job does not understand why he is suffering. His understanding of God and how God normally works is the same as his wife’s: be good and be blessed by God, do evil and be cursed by God. And here he sits in a pile of ashes, covered in oozing sores. Job chooses trust and belief over his reality. In those moments when life makes no sense to us or to our faith, may we, as Job did, trust faith and belief in God.

Prayer: Lord God, at times we will find ourselves where Job did – life making no sense. What’s happening doesn’t fit our understanding of you or of how things “should” work. In these times and places of disorientation, draw us to you. Help us to trust and believe in your wisdom that is beyond ours, in your plan that goes far beyond our vision, and in your love that is much greater than we could ever imagine. Amen.


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In Control

Reading: Psalm 137: 1-4

Verse 4: “How can we sing the songs of the Lord in a foreign land”?

The sin abounded, the prophets warned, the tide rose, the Babylonians arrived, Jerusalem fell, and the people were hauled off into exile. Once the world stopped spinning, the Israelites have a moment to catch their breath. It is then that they wonder, “How can we sing the songs of the Lord in a foreign land”?

In our modern world things change at a rapid pace. Advances in technology, science, and medicine, just to name a few, often seem to move at a pace that we cannot keep up with. At times we too pop our heads up and wonder how we got to where we are. Society and culture do have a hand in all of the change and, as a part of these groups, we play a role, each to varying degrees. In spite of that, the world can change around us in ways that we do not like or do not understand. This creates in us the sense of loss and disorientation expressed today by the psalmist.

As people of faith we tend to want to cling to the way things were and we resist change. A big part of faith is built upon our traditions. Yet when we look at the Biblical record we see two big themes of change. First, God is often at work leading us forward. God led the people out of famine, out of Egypt, out of the desert, out of exile. Jesus and the apostles continue this theme in the New Testament, leading us out of Israel and on to the ends of the earth. A second and corresponding theme is the widening or enlarging of the circle. The story behind with one man, then a woman, and soon God’s chosen family grows to be as numerous as the stars in the sky. The family gets even bigger in the New Testament as Jesus and invites in the outcasts, the lepers, the sinners. The circle gets even bigger as the apostles are led to bring the Gentiles into God’s family. In and through all of this God has been in control. God continues to be in control. God will always be in control.

As we continue to experience change, may we trust in the hand of the Lord at work in our lives and in the world. God has a plan. God is in control. May we trust fully in the God of all.

Prayer: God, help me to trust in you. Sometimes I do not understand where or why you are leading; sometimes it is not easy to step out or to keep walking in faith. Increase in me my trust in you alone. Amen.