pastorjohnb

Thoughts and musings on faith and our mighty God!

Tag Archives: angst


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Chaos to Beautiful Diversity

Reading: Genesis 1:1-25

Verse 2: “Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”

Genesis 1 is a great place to begin the week that culminates in Trinity Sunday. As Disciplines writer Ginger E. Gaines-Cirelli puts it, “In the beginning, a diverse God – Creator, Word, and Spirit – created a diverse world, all interdependent, all profoundly good” (page 184). What a beautiful thought!

Now, the world did not begin this way. Verse 2 establishes the starting point of our world: “Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” In the beginning there was a nothingness. It was formless and empty, dark. The deep waters represent the unknown. Because the deep was unknown, it was feared, it was avoided. Chaos and angst lived there.

Chaos and angst are still the parts of life that we avoid or wish we could avoid. Yet “life” happens – death enters unwanted, relationships become strained and break, illness and disease impact us, nature reeks havoc, employment and other decisions that people make affect our lives and families… In these moments we can feel like our world is formless, empty, dark.

As Genesis 1 begins God takes action. The chaos and nothingness are replaced with order and purpose – 2 things we love! As creation unfolds all that God does is good, everything is valued, there is an interconnectedness to all of creation. There is a beautiful yet connected diversity to this world that God created. May we see, appreciate, and love this world, especially one another. May it be so.

Prayer: Lord God, what an awesome and amazing and beautiful world you created! Thank you for this gift. May we receive it, live in it, love it, and honor all parts of it as all of our world is your creation. Amen.


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Wait with Hope

Reading: Psalm 130

Verse 5: “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Photo credit: Nathan Dumlao

The psalmist cries out to God. From the depths of pain the writer asks God to be attentive. The psalmist longs for the mercy and forgiveness that he or she knows is always available from the Lord. In these opening verses we get a sense of urgency, almost of desperation. In this way, the psalmist would fit right in with our modern world. We get a little testy if we have to wait too long in the drive-through line. We are ready to zip off a terse email if our package isn’t delivered in the first hour or two of the scheduled delivery day. And, no, it doesn’t matter if there is a blizzard happening.

When we find ourselves in the place the psalmist is in – in a place of deep regret or in a place of pain or sorrow – then the waiting is actually hard. When we find ourselves in a place that is truly a place of angst or profound distress, we do want God to respond quickly. In these difficult places, it is so hard to wait. So may we read these words with resolve: “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” For reinforcement, the psalmist repeats the next line. When we are struggling to wait on the Lord, when we feel like we might not make it to another day, we too stand watch, waiting for the sun to appear, signaling the start of a new day.

So what part of God’s word is the source of our hope? In the closing verses we are reminded. The Lord offers us “unfailing love.” This is a no-matter-what love. It is always ours. The second promise is like the first: we are given “full redemption” through the cross of Jesus Christ. We can be made new again each time we turn to Christ. Yes, waiting is hard. But we know the rest of the story. The Lord triumphs over all. So as we wait, may we do so in hope and in love, covered by the promise of redemption. May it be so for us all.

Prayer: Lord God, thank you for your deep and abiding love for us, a love beyond measure. Thank you for your promise of love with no limits. It is a love that always seeks, always washes us clean, always redeems. What love you have for us. In and through that love, grant us the grace to wait upon you, our Lord and Savior. Amen.


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The In Between

Reading: Matthew 27:57-66

Verse 65: “‘Take a guard,’ Pilate said. ‘Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how'”.

Photo credit: Kunj Parekh

Today is Holy Saturday. It is a day in between. We too spend much time “in between” in our lives. Some we are aware of: in between engagement and marriage, in between separation and divorce. In between pregnancy and birth, in between illness and death. In between our old job and our new job, in between a first date and courtship. Some we are not aware of as they are happening. Change is afoot but we do not perceive it. And then it is suddenly here. And some of the time we sense that things are changing but we cannot quite discern the details. In most of these things there is a lot of emotion. In some cases there is excitement, anticipation, joy. In others there is uncertainty, insecurity, fear, angst.

As we read today’s passage, we tend to read it knowing that Sunday is coming. But today – at least for a few minutes – read it from the point of view of the religious leaders, of Pilate. Read it from the upper room or wherever the terrified disciples and followers of Jesus were gathered. Uncertain, insecure, and fearfully the religious authorities ask for a guard to be placed at the tomb. Pilate says, “Take a guard. Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how”. As secure as you know how. That’s how we like life too, isn’t it?

Sit with these emotions for a moment – caught in between all that Jesus Christ said and did and the moment he was laid in the tomb. In between the clear signs of God with him and the words about rising in three days. Venture into the room with Jesus’ people. Find space there in between the sorrow and grief of death and the fear of hearing a knock at the door, in between comforting one another and the thought of a crowd showing up for you too. God’s blessings as you sit some with Holy Saturday.

Prayer: Lord God, draw me into the depth of this day. Draw me into this in between moment in the great arc of faith’s story, to these moments of waiting and feeling. Amen.


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New as Well as Old

Reading: Matthew 13:52

Verse 52: “Therefore every teacher… who has been instructed about the kingdom of heaven… brings out new treasures as well as old”.

At what I would consider my “home” church, back when I was still a middle school teacher, I was part of the team that began a contemporary worship service. That was over twenty years ago. At the time it caused a lot of angst and even some division in the church. When the service outgrew the “Upper Room” and needed to shift to the sanctuary, then we really upset the apple cart. Change is hard, especially when it involves something new and relatively unknown to many people in the group or organization. But a quick survey of almost every church offering contemporary worship will reveal that that service is their best attended service. Change can be good and positive and even life giving.

When I moved into full-time ministry just over right years ago, one of my secret inner fears was one day being appointed to a small, rural church with just an organ or piano that only sang hymns on Sunday mornings. Since helping start the contemporary worship service that was the only service I had attended. When we were out of town on a weekend, we would find a church to visit with a contemporary service. But after just a couple of months in pastoral ministry I came to realize that I loved the hymns and liturgy of traditional worship. Holding onto the past, to the tried and true, very often has its place. It is often the key component of a group or organization’s core identity. It is essential to who “we” are.

In today’s verse Jesus is talking about this same idea – the old and the new. Talk about someone with first-hand insight on holding onto the past yet also doing something new. If we keep nothing but the old in our faith and in our churches, then we become old. We all know what eventually happens to the old. But we cannot just change it all overnight either. Then folks look around and wonder where they are. Balance is the key.

The same is true for our lives and for our journey of faith. Growth is most often a slow and steady process that involves melding the good new with the good old. In our faith and in our churches may we be open to the new even as we hold onto the roots and traditions that make us the children of God. May it be so.

Prayer: Lord God, help me to know, to discern, how and when and where to go in a new direction and why and where to keep the tried and true. Both are central to a healthy and growing faith and to a strong and vibrant church. Lead and guide me, I great Jehovah. Amen.


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The Solution

Reading: John 21: 1-14

In the Gospel of John, Jesus has already appeared to the disciples two times, but they have not yet been empowered.  They are still in the “now what?” stage.  Jesus is indeed risen, but…  Fear of the authorities is maybe a little less now, but it is still real.  In the midst of all this waiting around behind locked doors, Peter announces that he is going fishing.  The combination of knowing Jesus is alive and being couped up for a while may explain his decision.  But for Peter, part of it may be the emotions he is personally dealing with.  Bold and fiery Peter swore allegiance to Jesus at all costs, even death, but had denied even knowing Jesus three times that last night.

So maybe Peter was seeking to return to something he knew, to his roots.  Up until meeting Jesus he had always been a fisherman.  We all find comfort in knowing what we are doing, in the familiar.  Out on the water with his friends, Peter probably found a measure of peace.  Doing something familiar probably took his mind off his guilt.

Sometimes we are not unlike Peter.  After a tough day a big bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips sure can help a lot.  For some, addictive or destructive habits can be where they turn.  We run the gamut with our coping mechanisms.  But our root cause and solution are the same: something has created tension or angst and we want to occupy ourselves somehow, so we reach out for what we know.

When Peter is in the boat and he comes to recognize it is Jesus on the shore, he immediately jumps into the water to get to Jesus quickly.  His fishing trip didn’t really fix anything.  Peter knows Jesus can.  In our times of trial may we too quickly look to Jesus.  May we too go to Him without hesitation.  Jesus is always the solution.  Always.