pastorjohnb

Thoughts and musings on faith and our mighty God!

Tag Archives: withdraw


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Finding Hope and Strength

Reading: Psalm 137

Psalm 137:5 – “Jerusalem! If I forget you, let my strong hand wither!”

Photo credit: Wylly Suhendra

Psalm 137 wrestles with holding onto faith during a time of deep grief. This is a struggle we’ve all faced or will face at some point in life. The emotions of the Psalm are real and honest, especially in verses 7-9. If grief we feel these emotions too, but usually choose not to give them voice. The psalmist and fellow Israelites find themselves in Babylonian exile, grieving alongside a river. They have put away their musical instruments, thinking, who could sing at a time like this? In grief we too can set aside certain practices or activities that we used to do with the departed loved one. It feels too painful for these things in the midst of grief. The departed loved one for Israel is God, personified in Jerusalem. While God is still present, it doesn’t feel like it for Israel. When their “tormentors” mockingly call for a song, the Israelites wonder, “How could we sing a joyful song at a time like this?!”

Yet there is something in the psalmist that knows they must maintain a connection with God. In verse 5 we read, “Jerusalem! If I forget you, let my strong hand wither!” Verse 6 offers a similar pledge. For the psalmist, hard as it might be, music is a way to remember and to honor and to be connected to God. Music brings the Israelites into the presence of God and it brings them into community. In times of grief, we often just want to be alone. It feels like that would just be easier. Frankly, it is. But healing comes most often in community, in being with others, in being reminded of God’s presence with us. Here one finds the beginnings of those seeds of hope and the strength to ponder next steps. In their grief, with the gifts of hope and strength, the Israelites began to step forward in faith. May it be so for you and for me in our times of grief.

Prayer: Lord God, sometimes life is hard and it rains down grief, feelings of disorientation, moments of withdrawal. When this happens to those we know, send us into their lives, being your light and love, your hope and strength. And when we find ourselves in this hard place, guide us into community – with you and with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Amen.


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Lean In, Trust

Reading: Psalm 79:1-5

Psalm 79:5 – “How long will you rage, Lord? Forever? How long will your anger burn like fire?”

Today the psalmist asks a question we all ask: How long? In almost every difficult situation that we face and endure, we come to this question. Whether referring to the waves of grief that don’t relent or to the job search that won’t resolve itself or to the bullying that your child faces day after day or to the violence and destruction that the psalmist faces, in times of trial or pain or suffering or grief, we ask God: How long?

While we do not ever receive a specific time and date from God that tells us when relief or resolution will occur, we can have a hand in how we walk in and through these dark valleys. We can choose to shout “How long?” with a clenched fist raised against God. Or we can choose to whisper “How long?” with hands open to receive from God. The psalmist models the second option. For us, we must begin where the psalmist began, naming the situation. In this case, the writer names what it looks and feels like in the aftermath of the Babylonians destroying Jerusalem and the temple. The physical scene is horrific. To look at it and to name it begins to move one past the “Is this real?” stage. While painful, acceptance is an important step in our healing process.

The psalmist is also open and vulnerable with his emotions. From his perspective, all has been done to God’s city, to God’s temple, to God’s people. This goes against previous religious understandings and creates disorientation, forcing a new understanding of God and the world. Adding to the trauma is the ridicule coming from pagan neighbors. At times of grief or suffering or pain perhaps you or someone you know has heard, “If you just did (or didn’t)…” These words sting – as if you would have chosen this terrible outcome.

Laying it all on the table before the Lord and others we love and trust is an act of surrender, a practice in humility. Even as the psalmist asks “How long?” there is a leaning into God’s presence, a trust in God to act and move even in this place of death, loss, suffering… In our times of deep need, may we too be open and vulnerable and honest with God and with those close to us. May our hands be open to receive.

Prayer: Lord God, these initial steps can be so hard. We’d rather close our eyes and withdraw. When this is our first step, Lord, help us to feel your hand reaching out, to sense your Spirit surrounding us. Walk with us in love and grace. Amen.


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Never Fails, Never Wanes

Readings: Psalms 29-32

‭Psalm 32:7 – “You are my secret hideout! You protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of rescue!”

Praise for God’s power and glory flow from Psalm 29. The likely inspiration was likely a powerful storm rolling in off of the Mediterranean Sea. God’s voice is over the waters, it is strong and majestic in the rolls of thunder. It is visible and tangible in the flashes of lightning. The power of God can be felt, literally, in the storm. Yes, God is enthroned! And, yes, may the God of power and might bring strength and peace to us, God’s people today.

This spirit is continued in Psalm 30. It is a Psalm of thanksgiving. God is exalted for hearing the psalmist’s cry, for bringing him back to life. There is rejoicing that God’s anger lasts “only for a second” and that God’s favor “lasts a lifetime.” These words contrast our momentary existence relative to God’s eternal existence. As such, God sees the big and long picture. From this perspective, and out of God’s great love for us, God changes our “mourning into dancing,” our sorrow to joy.

Psalm 31 is a prayer for refuge. It moved between pleas for God’s help and praises for God’s rescue. Back and forth, back and forth – such is our rhythm of life too. Our lives are filled with ups and downs. At times we find ourselves as David does here in the Psalm, feeling alone as the community has withdrawn. It is if our sorrow or grief was contagious. God remains present, though, right there by our side. God responds, providing an example for the community that tends to shun or even intentionally ignore the weak and the suffering.

We close with a Psalm of instruction. David begins by sharing that the forgiven are truly happy (or blessed.) He contrasts this with times when he has withheld his confession. He was “worn out” as “God’s hand was heavy upon me.” Admitting his sin he was restored to God’s presence. Here David teaches by example. He then declares, “You are my secret hideout! You protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of rescue!” May it be so for you and for me too!

Prayer: Lord God, oh the ebb and flow of our lives and of our faith. So strong in some moments, so weak in others. Not you, O Lord. Your love never fails, your might never wanes. Because of who and what you are, we have hope. Be present to us in our imperfections and failures, picking us up, walking beside us, loving us anyway. O Lord, how majestic is your name, how deep is your love! Amen.


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More Outside Than Inside

Reading: Psalm 66:8-20

Verses 8-9: “Praise our God, all peoples… God has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping.”

Psalm 66 is a song of praise for what God has done. The first part of the Psalm focuses on the corporate or communal perspective. This is an important perspective to keep. It helps us see, live in, and recognize the bigger picture. While God undoubtedly works in each of our lives, we can see God’s plan unfolding in a different way when we get outside of ourselves and outside of our own story. Imagine if the parting of the sea story or the feeding of the 5,000 story were told from a single perspective and as if that person was the only one there! When we focus only on ourselves then we can miss out on the fuller story of God’s power and might.

In verses 8-9 the psalmist writes, “Praise our God, all peoples… God has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping.” This is a call to public and corporate thanksgiving in response to God’s work in the life of the community of faith. The psalmist then recognizes the difficult times in their past and recalls how God led them through. Our temptation can be to withdraw or isolate when we are going through a hard time. We can tend to focus only on ourselves. If, during their time in slavery in Egypt, the Israelites each adopted an “every man or woman for themselves” mentality, then where would’ve they been? They could not have marched out of Egypt one at a time. The collective, the group – it mattered. It still matters.

So the invitation today is to see the larger picture, to live in a space more outside of yourself than inside yourself. May we all realize the power we receive from others and the power we give to others.

Prayer: Lord God, open my eyes to the bigger picture around me. Open my heart to love all those around me. Shrink the selfishness in heart and make more room to love others more fully. Amen.


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Sabbath

Reading: John 6: 14-15

Verse 15: “Jesus… withdrew again to a mountain by himself”.

Photo credit: David Marcu

In today’s short passage – two verses – we see the world causing Jesus to withdraw. After feeding the 5,000 the people realize the power of Jesus and some are thinking of trying to make him king. Jesus’ power is not for political/military purposes. So Jesus distances himself from the crowd to diffuse the situation. He creates some time of Sabbath – holy and sacred time to connect to God, to find renewal and rest.

It is no coincidence that I read these verses today. Tomorrow I begin a week long retreat that focuses on Sabbath and on caring well for the whole self – physical, spiritual, emotional, financial, and relational. The conference that I am in offers the retreat to pastors once every eight years. My cohort group has been meeting once a month via Zoom to learn more about Sabbath and to get to know one another a little before we spend a week together at a local monestary.

I, probably like many of you, am a bit driven and performance oriented. I don’t sit still well. It is the way of our culture, of our world. Today’s passage reminds us that at times we must withdraw or unplug from the things of this world in order to recenter ourselves on the things of God. Jesus carved out some time to draw close to God, to be renewed by God’s love. May we each do so as well.

Prayer: Lord God, on the edge of these days set apart I so look forward to time alone with you and to learning more about caring well for my whole self. I am so grateful for this opportunity. Thank you, Lord. Amen.


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Go

Reading: 1 Kings 19: 9b-15

Verse 9b: “What are you doing here”?

Earlier this week I looked at verses 1 through 9a in this same chapter. To review quickly, Elijah angered the queen, fled in fear, and was cared for and guided by God to the cave on Mount Horeb. In the morning, God asks Elijah, “What are you doing here”? This is a question that I think God asks often.

Fear and worry and doubt and job fatigue led Elijah to flee – to hide from the world. I can relate to some of these emotions and to Elijah’s response to them. Once in a great while monastic life seems like a great idea. His loving God leads Elijah to a safe place, to a cave atop a mountain, far away from his enemies and from the world. Until God asks this question, the cave is a comfortable place for Elijah.

When I retreat it is not usually to a cave or to any other physical place. When I do retreat it is usually into myself. In those moments when the world seems against me or when it seems to be closing in, I withdraw emotionally. In my mind I disconnect. I try and create felt distance and separation. But soon enough, God asks, “What are you doing here”?

Elijah has a response. He has been thinking about it. He knows the question is coming. This process is familiar to me too. Elijah tells God that he has been “very zealous for the Lord God Almighty” – I’ve been working really hard for you God. And these people – these Israelites – they have broken the covenant. Why would I want to be with those sinners? And then the ice cream atop the cake – “I am the only one left”. Woe is me. Have you been here? I certainly have.

The God says, in essence, ‘Come here. Come here Elijah’. Elijah goes to the entrance to the cave and the noise of the world passes by. The wind, the earthquake, the fire – those are the threats of Jezebel, the fears of the world, the self-pity. Then Elijah hears a gentle whisper. Ah, God has arrived. It is significant that God comes in the calm, in the quiet.

But once again Elijah tries the “I’ve been so busy…” excuses. God simply says, “Go…”. Return to the world, go where I am sending you. I will be with you. God knows we will stumble and falter too. God says the same thing to us: go, go where I lead. I will be with you. God continues to lead Elijah every step of the way. God will do the same for us. So, go.

Prayer: God, in those moments when I too doubt or fear or feel wrung out, come and push me back out into the world. Use me for what you will. Strengthen and encourage and fill me for the task at hand. Help me to ever step forth in faith. Amen.