pastorjohnb

Thoughts and musings on faith and our mighty God!

Tag Archives: fear


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Fear, Shame, Guilt…

Readings: Matthew 26:69-75 and 27:3-10, 15-26

Matthew 27:24 – “So he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd.”

Photo credit: Falaq Lazuardi

Today’s readings contain denial, betrayal, and giving in to social pressure. These actions are driven by fear, shame, guilt, regret, greed, power. These are actions and emotions that we too wrestle with as we try to walk faithfully with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Peter had followed the mob who had arrested Jesus – at a distance. He feared being caught up in what was happening. In the high priest’s courtyard, Peter is accused three times of being with Jesus. Each time Peter’s denial of Jesus grows stronger as the fear rises. His fear turns to shame as the rooster crows. When was the last time that you denied Jesus, either in word or deed? What “crowed” to lead you to tears?

Judas agreed to betray Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Seeing that Jesus is condemned to die, Judas feels “deep regret” for betraying “an innocent man.” The religious leaders refuse to change course. Guilt and regret lead Judas to take his own life. When have you felt deep regret because you betrayed Jesus? How did you resolve your inner turmoil?

Pilate has the power of life and death in his hands. He tries to free Jesus. His wife tells him to “leave that righteous man alone.” Tension builds and Pilate gives in to the mounting social pressure. To try to relieve his guilt and regret, he “took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd.” Pilate allows the power to slip through his fingers like the water slips through. We’ve all given in to the crowd, turning away from Jesus. What do you do to relieve your guilt and regret?

Prayer: Lord God, it is hard to admit, but at times we’ve played the roles of Peter, Judas, and Pilate. When we’ve failed you, we’ve felt what they feel. It is our human nature rising up to protect self, position, status… In our next moments of testing, Lord, raise up the voice of your Holy Spirit. May it be louder and stronger than our fear, shame, guilt… And when we fail, remind us of your unconditional love and endless grace. Amen.


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Keep at the Walk

Reading: Mark 16:1-8

Mark 16:7 – “Go, tell the disciples… You will see him there, just as he told you “

Photo credit: Aaron Burden

As originally written, Mark’s gospel seems to end abruptly and without resolution. It ends with the women fleeing in fear. They were so afraid, they didn’t say anything to anyone. That’s the original ending point. In the fourth and second centuries one verse 9 and verses 9-20 were added, respectively. In these additions the women do tell and the risen Jesus does appear to his followers. But Mark’s original ending, it really does beg the question: Why end it there, that way?!

Mark’s whole gospel is aimed at getting the church to be the church. The teachings he chooses and the parables Mark employs are all aimed at reminding the church of how Jesus taught and called them to live in the world. Chapter 16 is no different.

Mary, Mary, and Salome go and buy spices to anoint a body. Their hopes were dashed at the cross. Here they do the next thing. Church, disappointment and apparent failure will come. Keep doing the next thing. The women worry about the stone. They wonder who will move it. Here God does a thing. Church, if you are faithful, trust God to act. Inside the empty tomb an angel gives them instructions. They’re afraid. They do nothing. But we’re reading these words so the story doesn’t really end this way. Church, when God speaks something to you that feels scary or risky or hard to believe, say or do it anyway. Believe in God’s whispers, nudges, and movements. Then be amazed by what God does. This story is ongoing. The call to keep at the walk of faith, to trust and believe, to be amazed by God – that’s still our story. May it be so for you and for me.

Prayer: Lord God, help us to be the faithful church. Guide us on an obedient walk. When there is struggle, when there is disappointment, when there is uncertainty, when there is fear and worry – whisper words of love, nudge us with your presence, move alongside us. Use us as your church. Amen.


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Both Places

Reading: Mark 14:66-72

Mark 14:71 – “But he cursed and swore, ‘I don’t know this man you’re talking about.'”

We turn from Peter’s bold profession of Jesus as Messiah in yesterday’s reading to his bold denial of even knowing Jesus in today’s reading. To his credit perhaps, Peter followed the action, wanting or needing to see what played out with Jesus. Perhaps Peter still held to his view of Messiah as a king like David. Perhaps he wanted to be an eyewitness to the legions of angels destroying all who opposed Jesus.

It is a servant who first says Peter was with Jesus. He denies it. And he tries to move away from her, going to the outer courtyard. As he does, a rooster crows. Apparently she follows him, saying, “He is one of them.” Peter denies it again. But soon the crowd he’s hanging with also accuse Peter of “being one of them.” His accent gives him away. He’s a Galilean. This time, though, we read, “But he cursed and swore, ‘I don’t know this man you’re talking about.'” The rooster crows a second time, Peter remembers Jesus’ words, and he sobs. (Yes, the rooster crows two times in Mark’s gospel.)

What a sharp contrast we see in Peter. A handful of hours earlier Peter declared, “Even if everyone else stumbles, I won’t.” Yet here in the courtyard Peter swears that he does not know Jesus. Before the Sanhedrin, before the powerful, Jesus declared, “I am,” when asked about his identity. Peter recoils in fear as the powerless servants question his identity as a follower of Jesus. We too will find ourselves in both places – before the powerful and before the powerless. Will we stand for Jesus in both and all places?

Prayer: Lord God, when we find ourselves in environments or around people where we feel fear rising up, remind us of your power and might. We know that while we are in this world we may be impacted by the powers of this world, but ultimately our home is with you. Be with us, strengthen and encourage us for this journey. Amen.


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God is with Us

Reading: Psalm 23:4-6

Psalm 23:6a – “Goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life.”

Photo credit: Felipe Correia

Today we turn to one of the most well-known scriptures in the Bible as we wrestle with the idea of heaven this week. The 23rd Psalm is a staple during those sacred moments when we gather to celebrate a faithful life well-lived and to comfort and encourage the grieving. These words of David resonate with God’s presence in our lives and with God’s love and care for us.

Verse 4 reminds us that God is present in the “darkest valley.” As we walk through dark moments – pain, grief, loss, illness, unwanted change… – God walks with us. David speaks of having no fear. This comes partly from God’s presence but also from God’s role as protector. The “rod” keeps the physical enemies at bay while the “staff” keeps spiritual enemies at bay.

The idea of a great wedding banquet comes to mind again as we read verse 5. The oil of God’s blessing anoints the head and the cup spills over. Abundance is the norm at God’s table. This brings to mind one of our common understandings of heaven. It is the great feast spoken of by the Prophets and by Jesus.

The idea of heaven on earth flows through verse 6. God, here represented by “goodness and faithful love,” pursues us “all the days of my life.” God is always seeking us out. The Psalm closes with rejoicing. David rejoices over his daily dwelling with God. For us today, this dwelling has become an indwelling of the Holy Spirit. God is with us here and now. Thanks be to God.

Prayer: Lord God, we are so grateful for your daily walk with us. We are thankful that you not only pursue us but also protect us, guide us, and draw us back to you when we wander. You bless us in so many ways. Thank you for your unending love and care. Amen.


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Hope in Christ

Reading: Romans 1:1-3:20

Romans 3:9 – “We have already stated the charge: both Jews and Greeks are all under the power of sin.”

In his introduction Paul describes himself as “set apart” to be an apostle “for the good news.” He has received God’s grace and his appointment through Jesus Christ, the Son identified through his resurrection from the dead.

Paul begins with thanksgiving for the faith evident in the church in Rome. He has prayed for the church and for a visit to this church. Paul sees a visit as mutually encouraging. Paul is ready to “preach the gospel” in Rome. To Paul it is “God’s own power for salvation” for all who believe. The gospel has the power to save one from God’s wrath, which comes because of “ungodly behavior and injustice.” The challenge in avoiding God’s wrath comes because sin is in our human nature. We are also prone to “trade God’s truth for a lie.” We can be tempted and can allow greed, jealousy, lust, gossip, pride, and many other sins to separate us from God. We can easily fall into the judgment trap that Paul describes in the opening to chapter 2.

Paul addresses the Law in chapter 2. It is not those who have the Law that are righteous, but those who do and practice the Law that are righteous. Through Christ the Gentiles have the Law “written on their hearts.” It is those who are “circumcised in spirit” that do good and are pleasing to God.

Our reading today closes with the universal problem of sin. Paul states that both Jews and Greeks are “all under the power of sin.” Blending together four Psalms and a passage from Isaiah, Paul comes to this conclusion regarding non-believers: “There is no fear of God in their view of the world.” Although this sounds hopeless, in Christ there is home. Establishing the need as Romans begins, Paul next lays out the solution.

Prayer: Lord God, we are indeed sinful by nature. Daily we struggle with pride and greed, with jealousy and judging. Only you can save. So we ask you, O Lord, to guide us in your ways. Save us. Amen.


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Truth

Reading: John 18 and 19

John 18:37 – “I was born and came into the world for this reason: to testify to the truth.”

Photo credit: Greg Rakozy

As chapter 18 begins Jesus goes out to a place he often gathered with the disciples – to a garden. Judas leads a group of soldiers and temple guards to this place to arrest Jesus. Jesus goes out to meet them and asks who they’re looking for. “Jesus the Nazarene” is their response. Jesus identifies himself as “I am,” striking fear into the crowd. As they recover and arrest Jesus, Peter draws his sword and strikes a servant. Jesus quickly intervenes to end the violence. He is arrested and led away. Peter and another disciple (John?) follow. It is at the courtyard gate that Peter first denies knowing Jesus.

Jesus appears before Annas and then Caiaphas. During these interactions Peter denies Jesus two more times. The rooster crows. Jesus is then brought to Pilate. Hearing that the Jewish leaders want Jesus killed, he questions Jesus. Jesus tells Pilate that his kingdom is not of this world and that his mission was this: “I was born and came into the world for this reason: to testify to the truth.” Pilate finds no grounds for a charge and tries to release Jesus. When the accusations border on opposing the emperor, Pilate gives in to their calls to crucify.

Jesus is crucified at Golgatha. All unfolds according to scripture: the soldiers cast lots for his clothing (Psalm 22,) his legs are not broken (Exodus 12,) and they pierced his side (Zechariah 12.) Jesus provides care for his mother, assigning John the task. Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus take Jesus’ body, wrap it with spices in a linen cloth, and lay his body in the nearby tomb. The Sabbath is about to begin. The story will pause to honor the holy day.

Prayer: Lord God, as the story unfolds, it is evident that you are in charge and that Jesus is clearly following your plan. It is not an easy road to walk, but he does so with grace. Lord, you also have a plan for each of us. Encourage us to walk faithfully and obediently too, following your will and way in grace and love. Amen.


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Great Love and Compassion

Reading: Luke 7-8:39

Luke 7:50 – “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

Luke 7 begins with a story about a man with great faith. The centurion first asks Jesus to come heal his valued servant. He then realizes that he is unworthy to have Jesus come to him. So he sends words, recognizing Jesus’ authority to simply speak a word to heal the servant. It is so.

Jesus next encounters a funeral procession. A widow’s only son has died. With great compassion Jesus resuscitates the son, providing for the widow.

From prison John the Baptist sends some disciples to ask Jesus, “Are you the one?” Jesus heals many people right then and tells the disciples to tell John what they saw. This is a physical demonstration that fulfills Isaiah 35 and 61. It is Jesus’ “yes” to John’s question. He then laments this current generation’s lack of faith.

Jesus is then invited to dinner at a Pharisee’s home. While there, a sinful woman comes and washes Jesus’ feet with her tears and hair, kissing them and then anointing them with oil. In his thoughts, the Pharisee is condescending of both Jesus and the woman. This leader skipped all the normal hospitality customs. Jesus says to the woman, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.” Her revelation of great love leads to her salvation.

After naming some of the women who support Jesus’ ministry, he tells the parable of the soils. It is about our receptivity to Jesus’ words and example. These women are the good soil. Jesus then encourages us to let our light shine. It is to shine on all soil/soul types.

Jesus then reveals his power over wind and sea before encountering “Legion” – a man long possessed by many demons. The demons recognize Jesus and negotiate release into the pigs. The man is totally healed. The townfolk are awed but are also afraid of Jesus’ unexplainable power. They ask him to leave. The man is told to stay behind, to witness to Jesus’ power. He goes home to “tell the story.”

Prayer: Lord God, you continue to have great love and compassion for us. You respond when we call out in faith. And you sometimes come even when we don’t call out. You know what we need and this drives your responses. Thank you. Amen.


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Faith, Trust, and Seeds

Reading: Mark 4-5

Mark 4:20 – “The seed scattered on good soil are those who hear the word and embrace it. They bear fruit.”

A farmer goes out to scatter seed. Not sow, not plant – scatter. Some seeds fall on the path and are eaten by birds. Some falls on rocky soil. It sprouts quickly but does in the heat – no roots. Some seeds fall among the thorny soil. They sprout and grow but are soon choked out by the weeds. Other seed falls on good soil. “The seed scattered on good soil are those who hear the word and embrace it. They bear fruit.” For others, faith is short-term, cancelled out by distress, fear and doubt, by the cares of this world. Faith is like a lamp – we let it shine and it reveals what was hidden. Faith comes to those seeking. This is one way we bear fruit. We don’t know how it takes root or how it grows, but the tiniest seed can grow and grow, helping others. This too bears fruit.

Jesus crosses the lake, going to Gerasenes, a Gentile community. There is a storm along the way. Frightened, the disciples awaken Jesus, who calms the storm. He chastises them for their rocky soil faith. Once there, Jesus encounters a demon possessed man named Legion. The thousands of demons are cast into the nearby pigs. The uncontrollable madman is found “fully dressed and completely sane.” The townspeople ask Jesus to leave. Their thorny soil prevents them from accepting Jesus. The man asks to go with Jesus. He is told to go home to tell his people what Jesus did for him. He is good soil ready to produce a crop.

Our reading closes with two healings. Both involve risky faith. Jairus, a synagogue leader, risks by coming publicly, asking Jesus to heal his daughter. The woman with a bleeding disorder sneaks up through the crowd and touches Jesus’ clothes. She is healed. In the midst of a great crowd, Jesus asks “Who…” and she risks coming forward. She confesses and Jesus blesses her faith that healed her. News then comes of the daughter’s passing. Jesus says to Jairus, “Just keep trusting.” In the end, Jairus’ trust and faith is honored too. Jesus heals the daughter. Faith and trust bring healing.

Prayer: Lord God, you have power over all things – wind and waves, fear and doubt, mental and physical illness, even death. That power is available to those who believe in you as Lord and Savior. Lord, grow these seeds of faith that have been planted in each of us. Encourage and empower us to scatter these seeds, bearing fruit for your kingdom. Amen.


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Bold Words

Reading: Matthew 26

Matthew 26:35 – “Peter said, ‘Even if I must die alongside you, I won’t deny you.’ All the disciples said the same thing.”

In Matthew 26 we move into Jesus final days. He announces that in two days he will be handed over and crucified. Matthew notes that the chief priests and elders don’t want it to happen during the feast – they fear the people’s reaction. But it will happen as Jesus said and as God has planned.

That night at the house of Simon (formerly the leper), a woman anoints Jesus’ head with very expensive perfume, preparing him for burial. The disciples see it as a waste, but Jesus commends her actions. Judas then goes and agrees to betray Jesus. The next day Jesus and the disciples celebrate the Passover meal. Jesus tells them that one of them will betray him and Judas is eventually identified. Jesus then offers the first communion. Judas is still there. They sing some songs and then go to the Mount of Olives.

Jesus tells them that they’ll all fall away that night. Peter says he’ll never stumble. Jesus tells him that he’ll deny Jesus three times that night – “before the rooster crows.” Boldly Peter says, “Even if I must die alongside you, I won’t deny you.” The others echo this sentiment. Jesus moves to the area known as Gethsemane to pray, inviting the disciples to “keep alert” as they join him in prayer. They sleep. Jesus wrestles with the suffering to come but ultimately prays to God that this will be “what you want.” Awakening the disciples, Judas and the crowd arrive.

Identified with a kiss, Jesus is arrested. All is to fulfill the scriptures. All the disciples run away. Jesus is taken not to the temple but to the home of Caiaphas, the high priest. Peter follows at a distance. It is at a distance that he will boldly deny Jesus three times. The fake trial ends with the religious leaders hitting and spitting on a condemned Jesus. Funny how their literal actions mirror what the disciples did to Jesus, figuratively speaking. Sadly, at times, we do the same.

Prayer: Lord God, the sad but glorious ending begins to unfold. Human weakness, pride, jealousy, betrayal – all are present. Obedience, trust, faith, courage – all present as well. Lord, help us to be like you instead of like the religious leaders and like the disciples in their moments of fear. Lord, empower our faith and trust, our obedience and courage. May our words and our actions be bold. Amen.


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Faith, Love, Compassion

Reading: Matthew 14-15

Matthew 15:6-7 – “You do away with God’s Law for the sake of the rules that have been handed down to you. Hypocrites!”

Photo credit: Nathan Lemon

Today’s two chapters cover a wide variety of topics – abuse of power, feeding and healing, doubt and fear, great faith. In some stories, these topics intertwine. Chapter 14 begins with the death of John the Baptist. Abusing his power is nothing new for Herod. Here it costs John his life. At his birthday party, Herod promises “anything” to his daughter-in-law. She asks for John’s head. Jesus learns of this, is grieved, and withdraws to a “deserted place” by himself.

The crowds find Jesus and bring the sick to him. With compassion he heals them. Late in the day, the disciples urge Jesus to send them away to buy food. His response: “You give them something.” The impossible becomes reality as 5,000 men plus women and children eat their fill from 5 fish and 2 loaves. In the end each disciple holds a basket full of leftovers. Later, in chapter 15, Jesus feeds a crowd of 4,000 men plus women and children.

Jesus dismisses the crowd, sends the disciples on across the lake, and goes up the mountain to pray. In the early morning he comes to them, walking on the water during a storm. Here is where Peter walks in the water – until his fears and doubts overcome his faith. Jesus rescues him. Later it is a Canaanite woman, another outsider, who shows great faith, persevering until Jesus heals her daughter.

At the start of chapter 15 there is an encounter between Jesus and the religious leaders. Being “clean” is the core issue. Jesus says, “You do away with God’s Law for the sake of the rules that have been handed down to you. Hypocrites!” His example: man’s rule (giving money to the temple) has overridden God’s Law (honor father and mother.) This too is an abuse of power. Getting to the core issue, Jesus tells the crowd and then the disciples that it is what comes out of the mouth (and therefore out of the heart) that makes one unclean. When one allows evil thoughts, adultery, insults… to form in the heart and then to come out of the mouth, then one becomes unclean. May it not be so.

Prayer: Lord God, like today’s reading, life brings a variety of challenges as we seek to walk faithfully with you. Faith, love, compassion – may these be our guides as we strive to love you and to love neighbor in all the ways we can, in all the times we can. Amen.